Going for It

"I didn't really go for it, so now I'll have to show for it," Kevin Parker melodically and regrettably sings in a song called "On Track" off the album The Slow Rush.

This sentiment has heavily resonated with me the last couple of months. Faded interpersonal connections, missed art opportunities, and the ever-present realization that life is what I make it.

In the chorus, Kevin sings:

"But strictly speaking, I'm still on track 
Strictly speaking, I'm holding on
More than a minor setback
But strictly speaking, I'm still on track."

The chorus presents an optimism I can't help but borrow. I can count all the ways my life isn't what I thought or hoped it'd be. That negative self-talk also comes with a certain objectivity in knowing I'm still reaching goals and making progress.

My first solo show in Denver, Conjure, is a testament to my resilience, or at the least, to still being "on track." I started therapy again a month ago and have been talking a lot about how we assign meaning to how we feel. Optimism is a choice, and it's one I'm trying to make more often. For now isn't forever, and what's gone may return. What's important is being at peace with where you're at in life, who you are, and who you're becoming.

My character (actually me, not WeeBees or Serling) isn't set in stone. I'm still evolving. Aligned actions can render the reality we want, and that fact makes us all conjurers, though I know most people don't see themselves that way. But as I make visuals appear for a show I have in five days, I inquisitively ask attendees and supporters: what did you conjure today?